This week, I have learned about two deaths within my various circles. I realized that, while most of us step up to the plate of responsibility most of the time, there's always a part of us that never truly feels like the grown-up. (Hey, is there someone at the Grown-up table that can handle this one?)
When things happen like someone dying, or our taking on a new big expense, or being given a new big responsibility at work, or – biggest yet – having a child, isn’t there that little twinge in your stomach that you’re not really sure you can do the job? And isn’t it followed by that small, fleeting voice in your head that says something like, “you don’t have to worry about this, there are grown-ups for that”.
So, while you always pined to graduate from the Kids Table to the Grown-ups Table (or, as in my family, the Little Guys Table and the Big Guys Table), did you really think about what the deal involved? You wanted to be able to think of yourself as, and be regarded as, an adult – gaining the trust and confidence of other adults, and maybe get a later time for curfew in the bargain. But did you think about what you would have to BRING to the Grown-ups Table?
I think we continue to become grown-up, as we continue to grow. With each first grown-up experience: a death, a scary purchase, an intimidating job assignment, or, in the case of my own recent experience, a job loss, we grow up a little more. The biggest realization is that we don’t know. We don’t know the answer, we don’t know what to do, we don’t know what is next, we don’t know if we “can”.
But it’s the very moment of knowing we don’t know that we realize we are at the Grown-ups Table.
copyright © 2011
When things happen like someone dying, or our taking on a new big expense, or being given a new big responsibility at work, or – biggest yet – having a child, isn’t there that little twinge in your stomach that you’re not really sure you can do the job? And isn’t it followed by that small, fleeting voice in your head that says something like, “you don’t have to worry about this, there are grown-ups for that”.
So, while you always pined to graduate from the Kids Table to the Grown-ups Table (or, as in my family, the Little Guys Table and the Big Guys Table), did you really think about what the deal involved? You wanted to be able to think of yourself as, and be regarded as, an adult – gaining the trust and confidence of other adults, and maybe get a later time for curfew in the bargain. But did you think about what you would have to BRING to the Grown-ups Table?
I think we continue to become grown-up, as we continue to grow. With each first grown-up experience: a death, a scary purchase, an intimidating job assignment, or, in the case of my own recent experience, a job loss, we grow up a little more. The biggest realization is that we don’t know. We don’t know the answer, we don’t know what to do, we don’t know what is next, we don’t know if we “can”.
But it’s the very moment of knowing we don’t know that we realize we are at the Grown-ups Table.
copyright © 2011
