This week, I have learned about two deaths within my various circles. I realized that, while most of us step up to the plate of responsibility most of the time, there's always a part of us that never truly feels like the grown-up. (Hey, is there someone at the Grown-up table that can handle this one?)
When things happen like someone dying, or our taking on a new big expense, or being given a new big responsibility at work, or – biggest yet – having a child, isn’t there that little twinge in your stomach that you’re not really sure you can do the job? And isn’t it followed by that small, fleeting voice in your head that says something like, “you don’t have to worry about this, there are grown-ups for that”.
So, while you always pined to graduate from the Kids Table to the Grown-ups Table (or, as in my family, the Little Guys Table and the Big Guys Table), did you really think about what the deal involved? You wanted to be able to think of yourself as, and be regarded as, an adult – gaining the trust and confidence of other adults, and maybe get a later time for curfew in the bargain. But did you think about what you would have to BRING to the Grown-ups Table?
I think we continue to become grown-up, as we continue to grow. With each first grown-up experience: a death, a scary purchase, an intimidating job assignment, or, in the case of my own recent experience, a job loss, we grow up a little more. The biggest realization is that we don’t know. We don’t know the answer, we don’t know what to do, we don’t know what is next, we don’t know if we “can”.
But it’s the very moment of knowing we don’t know that we realize we are at the Grown-ups Table.
copyright © 2011
When things happen like someone dying, or our taking on a new big expense, or being given a new big responsibility at work, or – biggest yet – having a child, isn’t there that little twinge in your stomach that you’re not really sure you can do the job? And isn’t it followed by that small, fleeting voice in your head that says something like, “you don’t have to worry about this, there are grown-ups for that”.
So, while you always pined to graduate from the Kids Table to the Grown-ups Table (or, as in my family, the Little Guys Table and the Big Guys Table), did you really think about what the deal involved? You wanted to be able to think of yourself as, and be regarded as, an adult – gaining the trust and confidence of other adults, and maybe get a later time for curfew in the bargain. But did you think about what you would have to BRING to the Grown-ups Table?
I think we continue to become grown-up, as we continue to grow. With each first grown-up experience: a death, a scary purchase, an intimidating job assignment, or, in the case of my own recent experience, a job loss, we grow up a little more. The biggest realization is that we don’t know. We don’t know the answer, we don’t know what to do, we don’t know what is next, we don’t know if we “can”.
But it’s the very moment of knowing we don’t know that we realize we are at the Grown-ups Table.
copyright © 2011
Bravo Sue on your inaugural post on this wonderful blog. I look forward to reading more...and yes I realize I am at the Grown Up table though many days I wish to go back to the kiddies table and have more fun!!
ReplyDeleteHey, the much anticipated blog is here! I have officially signed on, and I've added the post feed to my feed influx on my email. Ain't I the coolest?
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to handling various life crises, I run back and forth between the kids table and the grown up table like some else's brat on a sugar high in need of a good smack down. Sometimes I'm responsible and handle it like MacGyver (you know, stopping a nuclear attack with gum, a rubber band, and a postage stamp). Sometimes I hide out at the nearest Panera with my nose stuck in a book, pretending I don't know that Rome is burning outside and zombies are rapping on the windows. It all depends on the confluence of circumstances and the day-to-day balance of female hormones.
If I had a crisis handed to me right now, I'd be huddling under the covers. Tomorrow, I might throw on the blue tights and fly into danger. Actually, they're serving ice cream at the kids table...I'm going to flit over there for a bit...
I am tired of always being the responsible one. I want to always sit at the kids table. I want to be retired and 10 again. Working has definitely lost it's luster....
ReplyDelete